Ok so where should I start. I am a 28 year old Army wife with one child. This blog is going to be a way for me to get my feeling out as I try to save my marriage or at least try to figure out if its worth saving. I have been married for 7 years to a decent man. Hes a good dad and a good provider just lacks in all the other areas. Not that I am perfect in anyway I have lots of faults that I am working on. We go to marriage counseling once a week, but there are still things I cant get out there.
Ok so to the point, I feel worthless as his wife. I wander on a daily bases why am I still married. Then it hits me because I'm to afraid of being alone. I have a good life I'm a stay at home mom and full time student, I drive a nice car and have the money to buy everything we need and lots of the extras, so who am I to complain right? To be honest though I would give all that up for a better relationship with my husband, for a man I could trust and that I truly though loved me.
Love there is one big word that we use everyday but what does it really mean? Yes he says I love you everyday but do I think he's in love with me no. I'm not important enough to him. To be honest I'm not important enough to him for anything. He doesn't consider me his friend therefore I never know whats going on in his life. Even if we do talk its like he doesn't remember that we did. For example just this week I got a very ugly email from one of his soldier that we sold a car to about a year ago. She owes us one last payment that would have really helped cover some of our vacation cost this year. So about 3 weeks I emailed her and asked when she would be paying the last payment (she has been a HUGE flake over the whole thing she should have had it paid 5 months ago) well I get an email back from her telling me MR B told her not to worry about the last payment. How is that even possible he told me to email her, he knew I was counting on that money. Am I just so unimportant to him that he just says whatever to me then tells everyone else the total opposite??? Maybe I'm just crazy maybe its not that big of a deal. But it is to me, it hurt me it made me look stupid to her. Its like everyone knows our marriage isn't important to him and I'm just the joke of the town.
Well that enough for today I need to head to the pet store to get some stuff for the dogs. I will be back tomorrow to write more and just maybe this blog will keep me from the looney bin.
Mrs. B
